The God of Time With No Name Light’s Real Name!
by D'arkYagam'i
Summary: Why cant the Death Note kill Light? Is it cos people dont know his real name? And why can L time travel? Is a psychic dog involved? Join the fight to discover it and maybe have some fun along the way! Contains cussing and is not to sexy but a bit.
1. Lots of stuff and a psikick dog!

_**The God of Time With No Name ~ Light's Real Name REVEALED!**_

(AN: For the back story see my storys **Light And Dark ~ The Adventures of Dark Yagami** and **Pain Note ~ The Ressurekshun of Ray Pember**! They are good and also have sexings and stuff which are awesome please read them¬!)

This story is pretty long and scary in bits and sexy in some bits too so you should read it with a hot glass of coffee or tee or coke or something and enjoy its like novel eksept not dull! ;)

CHApter 1 ~ Advnetures in Time with Lind L Tayler!

**WHALES, ENGLAND**

The sun was happy and flying in the sky when the moon came up and it was night. Underneat a fire hydrant a dog was having a whiz. Roger came on the dog and kicked it.

"F-ing dogs f-ck me off almost much as kids" he shouted to himself as the dog tailed off with its ran between legs.

**2000 MILES AWAY IN THE PAST!**

It was a happy day for L he had just been promoted from K and to celebrate he was going to have a party with lots of drugs and proztichutes and balloons and invite all his friends. There he would propose marrage to his wif, wedy, who was pregnant with twins and loved him and did lots of sex and he had bought her a ring with a diamond the size of a soccer ball because he was rich. Also he was going to retire and live a happy life free from crime.

"Just one more thing before you retire " said Quilts Whammy playing with his gun and combing his mustache all fancy. "You have to go on the television and say kira is evil and arrest him live on television"

"No problem" he grinned fingering his wife's ring. "I will arrest him and the world will be free from kira and I can live happy with my wife and my three children and my dog Freckles who is an alsashun/dalmayshun mongol with some Labrador in him and I love so much.

"Hello I am Lind L Tayler" he said live on television "I have discovered kira is in japan and I know his real name is not light yagami but…"

"Oh no he will reveal my secret to the world said" Light who deathnoted him harder than he'd ever deathnoted before.

"argh! Tell my wif I love her and my dog. Now I wil never retire except for to the internal bowls of hellllllll…"

Watari who was watching this on tv started crying and said "with L dead who can save the day from the scandaverous dastard kira?"

"NOT SO FAST OLD MAN!" shouted a small tiny man dancing into the room with a bowl full of candy in his guts and another in his hands. "I AM THE NEW L!"

**AT THE FUNERAL!**

Wedy was crying real bad and she was going through Kleenex like a tank goes through Kleenex. Her belly was all fat and her belly button was pokey out because she was already pregnant with twins and another was on the way

"He was always so mellow so my first child I will call MELLO. Also he was always near me so the next one I will call NEAR. And he was always my mate so the other will be called MATT"

eveyrone was sad even the dog freckles who was crying more than any dog had cryed before and it was so sad that it made people cry even more and soon everyonew as crying and they ran out of klenex and had to use each other which was sad but also sot of eratic and soon everyone was turned on and sexing while crying.

**TWELVE YEARS LATER BACK IN WHALES!**

Freckles (did you guess that dog taking a whiz was freckles?) looked sad and roger and melted his heart but not literally but since freckles had psikick powers he could have but more about that later.

"I know it is sad that l died and I kicked you out into the stree tand had to survive eating garbage and dead pigeons and big macs but the new l is allerjic to dogs and also you have psikick powers and I cant trust you with them till you prove yourself by finding the winchester bomber from that beyond birthday book and maybe also kill him"

So freckles ran to winchest to find the winchester bomber because his psikick powers said he would be there and there was only twelfth hours until the bomb went!

**BACK ON MARS!**

(AN pain note ~ the ressurekshun of ray pember explains all this but basically it s the future and l is on mars and he has a time note that travels through time and there is a naked shini時間 called Secks (get it? ;-)) this seen is quite graffik in places but not like m rated or something im not a perv!)

"hey Secks" said L "do you want sex?"

"No shinigami cannot have sex even with humans even if they are like relay horny or something"

"but you are a shini時間 not a shinigami

Secks looked shocked and fought for a minute which is like 2 minutes on earth because mars goes round the sun faster. L looked at the moon which was high so he knew it was night and shini時間 were sexiest at night though they were quiet sexy at all times even like the middle of the day when it was all sunny and not night so noone was in bed sexing

"ok I have checked therules and I can sex so I will sex like iv never sexed before which I havnt."

"nor have I said L except for all those proztichutes"

So L took of his space suit revelling a pair of boxers that were covered in sugar and chocolate from when he was eating food in them. Secks used her magic shini時間 powers to make herself even nakeder even though she was already naked because she was magic then L took off his magic boxers show what was under them and even Secks was shocked by how large it was

"wow L your so big I fought you wood be small but your big"

"its because I eat lots of sugar and work out three tiems a day at the jim"

Then they sexed on the surface of mars which was dangerous but they were safe because the nearest city was miles away and the farmer was on holiday in the sun (thats the mars sun not the earth one. A mars sheep came over and chewed Secks green hair because it looked like grass even though it was hair

L did it like seven times in five minutes because he was so good

**IN WINCHEST!**

Freckles the dog looked around the empty streets. There was nothing except a governer eating some fish and chips in a red phone booth because it was eggland. Big ben chimed midnight and a bomb went off except it didn't because freckles disarmed it.

"CURSES FOILED AGAIN" yelled the Wincester bommer jumping out of a pub holding a wench in one hand and a wrench in the other shouting mean words like "buggerashun!" and "craptabulence!".

It was… MATSUDA!

: 0

SEE THIS SOTRY AGAIN FOR THE NEXT cHAPTER SOON!

I WILL POST WHEN IT IS WRITTEN SOON!


	2. I dont quite know what goes on here but

Chapter 2! ~ Matsuda dies and has a car chase!

L looked at the time note that lay in his hands like a dead possum. It was all the colors of the rainbow but it was an evil randbow and these colors were dark and scary and scared the crap out of him even the pink. He opened it and worte himself back into the past to have some adventures.

"_no don't go L I love u!_" shouted Secks who was playing on a DS Lite in onix black. It was the game FEEL TEH MAGIC XXXY and she was playing the leval wear you take off the girls dress and she was all turned on and stuff

"I have to tho" he shouted back as he disappeared into time. "I must stop kira and save the future by firstsaving the past which is where my freedom is and also the freedom of everyone else because freedom is the right of sensient beans"

Secks was so moved by this speaks that she swooned and feinted in the marsy sand.

"_I love u too_" she said as he fell into time and started going backwards to when the time was that he said in the book that he held in his hands that were flapping wildly like a duck as he fell through the swirly tunnel of time that took him back in time. He looked at the colors and there was loads of them L fought he saw green and black and maybe some pruple too he couldn't tell because it was windy and he had his eyes clothed.

**BACKIN WINCEST! :-0 !**

Matsuda looked at Freckles the magick dog (AN: magick is like magic but its more magicy! It's like a wiki thing) with a mixture of fear and ambishun. He knew there wasno way to kill a magick dog accept to give them magick beans but he didn't have any magick beans. They were back at the house.

He jumped in his airplane. It was a Cessna 206 and it was painted black with skulls and bombs sprayed on the side in even darker black and sometimes gray. Even freckles were scarred and he was a magick dog.

He flew off into the sky and had to dodge some snow clouds because he couldt afford foglights or snow chains

Freckles looked at himself and thought "_how can I cathch him oh wait Im a magick dog with psikick powers!_" he thought to himself in dog and flew offinto space after Matsuda.

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANGBANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!

matusda unloaded like a whole lcip of machine gun fire onto freckles bu the had magick powers to deflect the bullets and also a bulletproof vest under his fur. He didn't need it but knew it would come in handy one day. Maybe sooner than you think.

L magicked himself into Winchest city plaza and looked at the magick dogfight (it's a pun do you get it! It took me quite a long time to think of so please laugh please…….*\_(O_;)_/* )

Snow was falling like a hurricane around l because his time note powers had stirred up a storm and it was winter. He rubbed his cold skin and got warm again. Then he kept rubbing but further down in his pants. He fought about Secks while he did it because he loved her even though he could never tell her.

L sat down in the moonlight and sighed. He knew that he loved Secks the shini時間 harder than he had ever loved a human or a dog even Freckles and his dead wif aiber tho it was close. He would marry her one day maybe soon. But she was queen of the shini時間 and he was just a lowly comun magical detective dude. How could he ever make her lurve him. They had dun al sorts of sexings like regular and carnal and treesome but this was just sexing. How could he make him love him for what he was ~ a magical super brainy frinklyman.

"This was deep" he fought to himself as he watched a puffy cloud float over the sun like a blimp over a nascar track.

**In SPAPCE!**

Matsuda was flying like a million miles over the sky and he knew that if he fell out he might die at this high so he put on a parachute and then seven more just to be sure because its always better saef than sorry.

He toke out a bazooker and shooted it at full speed at freckles who was soring behind him faster than any dog had ever flown before. Even those Russian space dogs (AN: See WikaPedier for more infos on these!) looked at him and thought "wow he is faster than any dog has ever flown before".

_**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!**_

IT WAS A DIREC TIT!

But then the smoke cleared and matsuda saw he was wearing a bulletproof vest.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" he shouted as his plain began to fall from the sky.

"If I die I will make it the best dam time in my life" he said pulling a bag of wee out of the glove box. He took of his shirt and began rolling the weed into his joints and he got high. Then the plane also got high and it diidnt hit the ground because it was high.

"Im shaved!" he shouted dancing around the cock[pit like a magic fairy dude from the middle ages at a maypole singing stuff like the wicker man.,

**IN WHALES**

Dark Yagami who was Light yagamis brother was in his room when Near wanked in entirely naked except for his underpants and some pyjamas and a dressing gown and one of thsose funny hats so I guess he wasn't actually very naked at all.

"I LEIK LEGOS!" he shuted.

"that s nice sa" id Dark. He was trying to read. Because he was so brainy he could read the long books like Breaking Dawn and the dictionary without getting confused

"DO YOU LIKE LEGOS?"?" he scramed playing with his rocket which was in his pants

"no"

"YOU SHOULD THE BUILDINGS YOU CAN MAKE NWITH THEM ARE QUEIT NICE"

He shoed him a model hed made of legos. It was a train made out of legos and it had motors on the bottom nad even Dark was impressed by the skillz

"what do you want?"

"FRECKLES HAS KILLED MATSUDA!"

"Good dog" and Frekcles jumped all over him and licked him everywhere except his special place because he wasn't a furry.

**IN SHINIGAMI LAND**

"My plan is going according to plan!"

**WHO SAID THAT?  
****  
ALL WILL BE REVEALED EXCEPT SOME STUFF WHICH ISN'T REDDY YET!**

**NEXT TIME!**

_**SAME DEATHNOTE TIME! SAME DEATHNOTE CHANNEL!**_


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